Formidable
by DMarEssence
Summary: The death of Naruto's sensei, Jiraiya has Shikamaru raising some buried emotions and questions about himself since the murder of Asuma. How will the genius comfort the heartbroken Naruto when he can't even console himself? Naruto/Shikamaru


I have such major writer's block, not to mention I'm bored out of my mind, I have a cold, I'm super stressed about school and… well, you see the point

I have such major writer's block, not to mention I'm bored out of my mind, I have a cold, I'm super stressed about school and… well, you see the point. Anyway, enjoy. BTW, spoilers about what happens in Shippuden (I read the manga) so, if you don't want to know about certain DEATHS, don't continue. If you don't care… that's fine too.

"Naruto, you gotta get off your ass and stop feeling sorry for yourself."

"Ch, like you're one to talk."

The old park bench creaked underneath the two ninja as they sat side by side in the waning light of the park.

"There's a lot of people out there who need you."

_**I **__need you._

"You owe it to _him_."

_You owe it to __**me.**_

Shikamaru sighed and leaned hard against the wooden back rest, lacing his fingers behind his head and staring up at the clouds.

"He was like a father to me. How can I just forget about that?" the blonde, keeping fairly silent up to this point, rested his face in his hands hopelessly.

"You idiot. Everyone loses someone eventually. If you remember, I lost my sensei a little while ago-"

"Yeah, I remember. The house smelled like smoke for weeks."

Naruto paused, lifting his face. He was glad it was getting dark, because he didn't want Shikamaru to see him cry.

"H-how did you get over it?"

The Nara paused and exhaled deeply into the chilly night air.

"It's hard to say. In a way, I never really did," Shikamaru paused and reached into the pocket of his Chuunin vest, withdrawing a silver cigarette case. In one smooth motion, he'd tapped out a stick and brought it to his lips, snapping a match and emblazoning the tip. Soon, puffs of nicotine flavored smoke christened the air.

Taking a fleeting glance at Naruto, just to make sure his calculations were correct on assuming that the blonde would let his close… _very _close friend aid his addiction, Shikamaru took a deep drag from the roll in between his teeth.

Shikamaru knew Naruto would never smoke, so he didn't even extend the invitation. Instead he blew a puff of sulfury-scented air right into his face.

Again, it was his deep and intimate knowledge of perception (especially when it came to Naruto) that he knew the Kyuubi container wouldn't retaliate. He was too desperate for the connection, now of all times.

Naruto remained, as predicted, silent through the onslaught and simply waved the cloud away from his face. His blue eyed gaze matched the dark and deliberate eyes boring into his soul.

"You never forget the ones you love Naruto," Shikamaru began again after some time, hoping the blonde's mind wasn't too filled with guilt and indecision. That made for a bad bedmate.

_I'll never forget Asuma… and I'll never forget you._

Naruto stared frustrated into Shikamaru's face. He couldn't decide whether it was that perfectly composed and intelligent visage or if it was the fact that no matter how long they'd been together, that the blonde could NEVER tell what the other was thinking.

_Maybe it's the arrogance. Or it could be the spiky hair… the pierced ears… or the undeniably sexy body. _

Although he was unable to determine the exact reason, Naruto was irresistibly attracted to the Nara genius. And it wasn't just the sex.

Shikamaru let the smoke exhale through his nostrils, glancing away from Naruto only when the street-lamp over head flickered on.

"Look," Shikamaru explained, leaning closer to the blonde's face so that he could be sure his words were only heard by one pair of ears.

"The ones you lose are never really gone. Even if Jiraiya _is_ dead; think about all the things he's taught you, all the memories. You'll always have those."

Naruto nodded silently, allowing a tear to fall unrestrained onto the Nara's fingers which had found their way up to capture a quivering chin.

"-and if you ever tell anyone I said something sappy like that, I'll make you regret it," he finished, pausing to capture the blonde's lips with his own.

Not too deep, not too passionate… sentimental was the word for it. The kiss was brief, but filled with empathy of shared emotion.

"You taste horrible," Naruto flat-lined, thankful for the comfort, but not for the inscrutable and unsatisfying taste of chemicals in his mouth.

"Heh, your loss," Shikamaru replied, replacing the cigarette he'd taken out for his momentary PDA, and sucking in the sweet, rich taste, one he knew Naruto would never understand or enjoy.

As the light from the bench disappeared, Shikamaru walked further and further into the darkness. How could he have been so hypocritical? Telling Naruto to let it go and move on, when he himself constantly dwelled on Asuma's death?

He'd analyzed earlier that due to the emotional strain his master's death was carrying on his psyche, that Naruto was the one in need of their relationship, and of course, Shikamaru was more than happy to lend a hand…

_Who am I kidding? This is so fucked up…_

It wasn't until the genius reached the lights streaming from the windows of his own family home that he realized what he'd been holding inside.

Side-tracking around the back of his house, the Nara followed the stony pathway back through the forest until he evaluated he'd gone far enough and veered off into the trees. After exactly four hundred and ninety seven steps, Shikamaru found himself in front of a dark pit, one that extended a good sixty feet into the earth.

An unmarked grave lay before him, well, more like an unmarked resting place where even HE couldn't bear to look in. It was here, in this very spot, some year and a half ago that the team nine genius had slain the diabolical Akatsuki member, Hidan- the immortal priest.

One of the draw-backs however, to Shikamaru's great scheme, was that now, he had the hacked up body of the ultimate evil immortal in his back yard, of course, the body below had long since given up crying for help. There was no one to hear him in these woods… save Shikamaru.

There, only a few feet away in the dank abyss held Asuma's killer. It inquisitively prodded Shikamaru's genius everyday, begging for him to find a way to end the life of the man who'd murdered his sensei. Of course, having him in the ground where Shikamaru could enjoy his torture for an eternity seemed a fitting and ironic punishment.

-still…

_How can I ever truly be myself with Naruto if I can't even let this go? Fuck. How CAN I with this fucker in my back yard? _

Shoving his hands in his pockets, and without even glancing back at the surrounding darkness of the tomb, Shikamaru stalked back through the darkness, his gait purposeful and direct. Unfortunately, all this guilty conscience stuff made him itchy for a fix. He withdrew another cigarette from the case.

_I'm a Jounin, teacher, friend, godfather, lover, liar… If only life were as simple as playing shogi… _

"Shikamaru?" a worried voice cut through the silence as his and Naruto's apartment came into view.

"Eh? What're you still doing awake?" Hastily, Shikamaru snubbed out the butt of his cigarette under his shoe. Nowadays, the genius only smoked when he was thinking of Asuma… or feeling guilt. The last thing he wanted Naruto to do was worry-

"You ever hear those lame commercials, ne, Shikamaru? Cigarettes smoke you," the blonde laughed, pulling his puppy dog night cap over his spiky hair and grinning. It was good to see the old Naruto back… at least for a little while.

"I am _not _an addict! I smoke less than two a day now-"

"Ch, denial… it's inevitable." Naruto smiled once again, instilling another wave of relief in the Nara. At least he'd have one less thing to worry about.

"Hey, Shikamaru, are you alright?" Crossing his arms in an accusing stance, Naruto faced down the genius. This time, he was going to see something… a glimmer or a hint in that stoic face. Shikamaru only brushed it off.

"This is a waste of time. Let's go to sleep."

Naruto scowled, but secretly resigned himself to the fact that he'd get the goods out of Shikamaru… the truth, not the… _other _goods.

Stripping off his vest in a very casually provocative way, Shikamaru sat clad in only a pair of baggy pants on the foot of their bed. He knew a conversation was at hand, so the dark haired genius reached for another smoke.

"Hey! What the hell is up with all the smoking today?" Naruto protested, swiping the cigarette out of his partner's hand and setting it on the night stand.

"It's your fault, making me so irritable," Shikamaru muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose and trying to stifle a headache.

"_My _fault? I'm sorry my emotional vulnerability caught you at a bad time!" Naruto licked his fanged teeth agitatedly before he noticed the look on the genius's face.

"Look… I'm sorry about Asuma. I didn't know that me having my melt-down-"

"In _no _way is this your fault," Shikamaru began. Naruto cocked his head.

"But you just said-"

"I _meant _that… fuck." He was going to have to spill the beans.

_Damn it. So troublesome. _

"I… you're..." the Nara couldn't believe a cat had decided at this particular time to get his tongue. He felt foolish trying to convey his emotions.

"You having your thing with Jiraiya's death made me realize I'd never truly gotten over Asuma's. I'd simply caught the guy responsible and closed the case. Memories are coming to the surface and I'm having trouble coping, alright? There, you happy now?"

It was depressingly surprising that you feel so good when you've just relieved yourself of your most formidable secret.

"Happy? Why the hell didn't you just say that before? Then we could've just avoided this whole lack of communication." Naruto was still flustered. Why did Shikamaru take so long to open up?

"Sorry, but you don't need my baggage right now," the dark haired jounin explained, flipping back the covers and worming underneath.

"Hopefully it won't take so long next time for you to share. Don't think closing yourself off protects me. I can handle myself." Naruto huffed, slipping in tandem along the sheets until his head rested on the pillow beside Shikamaru's.

"I just like to know what you're thinking, alright?" More silence ensued, which made the blonde, a normally talkative and inconcise sleeper, nervous.

"Tomorrow, I have to be somewhere," Shikamaru whispered abruptly. Naruto blinked curiously, though was torn over the meaning of the statement.

"… but I want you to come with me."

The next day, a light mist coated the peaceful and sleepy morning of Konoha as Shikamaru and Naruto made their way to the Yamanaka's flower shop.

"I got them ready, just as you specified," the chirpy Ino Yamanaka explained, extending bouquet to the dark haired ninja as they turned to leave.

It was a solemn walk down to the graveyard. Although the names of both Asuma Sarutobi had been inscribed in the Stone of Remembrance, this visit was far more personal.

Shikamaru stopped over the headstone of his sensei and placed the delicately arrayed roses so that it wouldn't cover the inscription beneath. Dying flowers littered the ground all around the churchyard, but the blood colored flowers that lay on Asuma's grave were nothing if not eternal.

"I uh- I'm sorry I let you down, but… I've become better; a better person, a better ninja, all because of you." The stoic Nara didn't say anything clichéd like, 'rest in peace' or 'see you on the other side,' because Asuma would've just laughed and smacked him over the head for being overly sentimental.

After Naruto had given a comforting pat on the shoulder, Shikamaru dug into his pocket as the blonde turned to leave. The soft, wet grass swathed the genius's fingers as he knelt down in the grass in front of the grave. Removing something from his pocket, Shikamaru fiddled with the box before staring at Asuma's name engraved on the stone.

"Sorry I held on to these for so long," he smirked before placing the silver case of cigarettes down beside the flowers.

_I don't need them anymore… at least I hope not. _

I'm sorry I'm so bad at writing emotional scenes. Not to mention Naruto was WAY ooc. Thanks for reading, and PLEASE give me any ideas you have on other pieces. Ugh, I nearly had to rip my fingernails out using Mongolian cuticle torture just to finish this thing. I'm highly UN-motivated.

DMar


End file.
